A Wife's Charm Delights her Husband. . .

"A wife's charm delights her husband, and her skill puts fat on his bones" Sirach 26:13

Sirach seems to repeat himself a lot, but perhaps he repeats the things that are the most worth remembering.

Charm is one of the most mis-understood attributes a woman can have, and I mostly blame Hollywood for this. A lot of people think that charm equals sex appeal, or, "the barer you are, the charminger you are" (forget which movie that one came from :-P). Yes, that was bad English. However, in real life, charm is something very different from looks alone. It's personality! Most men look for a wife who won't hurt them, not a wife who will run around the house in a lime colored string bikini all the time. A charming person "charms", that is, places the other person at ease, at rest, at peace, evokes trust, kindles love and admiration. That is what charm is. A charming person is also non-threatening. This is not to say that charming women are weak and simpering, no, that is NOT charming at all. Inner strength and vitality, stability and courage, when not paraded about for admiration's sake, are extremely charming virtues that do show through your actions and words. Non-threatening means that you are not trying to compete with the man you love, beat him at everything so he'll recognize you are superior, think more clearly than he allll the time, drive better than he, etc. Even if you DO, by not competing in these lines, not threatening your husband, he will praise your virtues himself, without your nudging, because he will be left to recognize them on his own, not pushed by you to do so.

A woman can hurt a man in many more ways than just physically and emotionally. There is the ego. A man needs to be humble, obviously, but this is a virtue that he must cultivate himself. A wife should not undertake to humiliate her husband, in order to "teach him a lesson", not only because we ourselves would reject such an endeavor from him to us, but also because this is God's work, not ours. We are not their mothers, we are their wives, their partners, their companions. A blow to your husband's ego should come as a blow to yourself as well, because you are one. Even if your husband is wrong, if you defend him and his motives (not his wrong idea), instead of having to defend himself, he will more easily be able to admit that he was wrong, since you didn't attack him when his shield was down. This is common, human respect that we as Christian wives should have for all people. Too often though, we give this respect to everyone BUT our husbands. It's got to change though. By giving this respect to your husbands, they will in turn give this respect right back to you.

The part about fat on his bones is kind of cute, actually. Fat back then was a sign of affluence, a sign that you were doing well. A skinny person was obviously starving, crazy, lazy, or just having a long string of hard luck; you didn't want to be that! The wife's skill Sirach is referring to is most probably her cooking, but I also think other skill is required to "put fat on his bones". If you are not making your husband happy, he won't want to come home and eat of your skill, he'll want to stay out at the bar with his buddies and have a good old time. If you are not charming and constantly attracting your husband with your skills at being sweet and lovable, then he will have no appetite, for there will be nothing to tempt him. How would you like to eat plain oatmeal and a glass of milk every day for the rest of your life? Nourishing, sure, but. . .not very tasty. We as wives must be MORE than just adequate for our husbands, we must be a feast! "Drink from your own well" it says in the Wisdom of Solomon; he was telling his son to be faithful to his wife. If the water is sweet, then we can be assured that our husbands will want to drink from their own wells, and if our aim is to please God in all things, then we will be making our husbands happy men too.