He Will Complete His Years in Peace

"A loyal wife rejoices her husband, and he will complete his years in peace" Sirach 26:2

I remember back when I first met my husband. We had a very unusual courtship, as we lived at opposite ends of the USA. When we would get together in the evenings for an Instant Messenger fest, he couldn't help relating the harshness of his day at work. He was a teacher back then, a strong Traditionalist, teaching in a very secularized "catholic" high-school, and the flak he would get from "nice, sweet, catholics" was so full of injustice. He was eventually "let go", in favor of someone who would teach a much more tolerant religion. The days are much more bearable for him now that we are married and together, but this verse from Sirach makes me remember those early days. I had the opportunity to learn what was needed from a wife early on, in so far as loyalty and support goes.

When you are first in love, it is so easy to side with your sweetheart, even against your own family; you'll "go down with the ship" if you have to, backing him up whenever something or someone tries to unsettle him, encouraging him to follow his dreams and attain his goals. It does get a bit harder later on down the road, when life becomes normal and you are tempted to think about yourself all the time. But still, this support must be given. . .and out of love. Wives need to love their husbands in this way, because men doubt themselves all the time, and they need the assurance of this love and loyalty, or else they feel like half a man. You, his wife, are the only one he can show that self-doubt to, and unless you are available to listen to him and his trials, and offer consolation and support, then he will not share these problems with you, and will close himself off from you and your "nagging". This is a very precarious situation, because if you say something out of the teeniest bit of vengeance, anything to be-little him, get back at him, poke fun at him, etc., when he is at his most vulnerable (voluntarily humbling his ego to you), then you can destroy the very man you have been given by God to build up, and force him away from the safety of your heart, to the advice of others who don't love him as you do.

We must swallow our pride, and forget all of the little nuisances that crop up during married life, real or imagined. "Stand by your man, and show the world you love him" so an older (yeah, I know, dumb, secular music) song goes. Loyalty doesn't just mean marital fidelity, it is a whole host of things. Your husband needs your rock solid support, your devotion, your friendship. When he disciplines your children, back him up 100%, and if he is wrong, talk to him about it later, away from the divining eyes and ears of the little anarchists. If he sets a rule in the house, obey it as willingly and strictly as if you were obeying an order from God (unless, of course, his rule is one that goes against conscience), setting a good example for your children to obey you. If he has a problem with work or financial worries, listen to what he has to say, and only offer solutions if he asks for them. Most of the time, men just need to someone to listen to them or sympathize, which helps them immensely, while a woman's idea of being helpful, is offering all kinds of advice and solutions to problems. Keep in mind that this is not always welcome! Be careful when you ask your husband to accomplish something in or around the house, because women quickly turn to nagging when their husbands just want to relax after work. The Bible has a couple thing to say about nagging women! Instead, do your best to do your own jobs around the house, which will inspire your husband to also do his best. Believe me, that's the only way I can get my hubby to take out the trash and wash the dishes!

When you let your husband know that you are willing to work alongside him if the need arises, bear willingly all of the hardships he bears, sacrifice things you like in order for him to be happy, etc. he will know that the wall behind him is solid, and will be able to courageously stand up against the world and its evils, concentrating on the things that really need his attention, instead of splitting his thoughts between a crumbling support and the things that attack him head on. He will also be encouraged to do these same things for you!

If you are not this kind of wife already, it is never too late to begin cultivating these virtues, and if you think you ARE this kind of wife already, then don't stop working at it, because every day presents new challenges. You have to keep climbing the mountain, step after step. You won't reach the top until your life is at an end, but you have to keep climbing to get there. Let us help our husbands complete their years in peace.